I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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