Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
