I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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