I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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