You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize