I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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