Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
