Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
