I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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