Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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