So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
