I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
