Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize