apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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