the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
