The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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