u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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