you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
