i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize