Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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