that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
