Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
