So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
