Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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