So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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