I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at about main and main street
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize