the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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