The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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