dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
