now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
