i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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