So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
