I looked at my own cervix.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
