Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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