As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize