My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
