I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
