yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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