no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
