my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
