Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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