When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
