There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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