I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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