he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize