The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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