i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
