I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
