i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize