i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
