It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
