I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
