11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
