i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
