i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wear drunk well.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
