i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i barfeds in our rink
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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