the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
