I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
