next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My penis needs a shock collar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
