oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize