2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
