Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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