i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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