That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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