You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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