i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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