Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
