I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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