I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
