best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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