Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
