That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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