why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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