i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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