he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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