you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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