YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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