her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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