Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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