i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
