i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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