we have pet lesbian snakes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
