and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize