It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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