am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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