if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
