I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
