So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
time to smoke my breakfast
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
