Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
